Tori had begun to figure it out. It took a little while, there were several false starts, fits and bursts but gradually, my daughter was returning. She found herself a new boyfriend, we'll call him Boy with a Pure Heart and Deep Wounds. Or, Pure, for short. Satori went back to school, got her GED, enrolled in school to be a Medical Assistant, passed with flying colors and went to work at a doctor's office. During this time, Satori and Pure gave us Niamh LeeAnn. My first grandchild. Ha! She hated me. She did, I swear! Well, the truth is, she hated everyone but her mother. In her mother's absence, she wailed, much like Satori had done, save that Satori could comfort her. In Tori's presence she was smart, funny, quick and precocious just like her mother. During this time #2 had also experienced a dramatic shift, and her life was going very well. The blank spaces now shift to #3 and #4 (You had to know that it couldn't be all good didn't you?).
I do not wish to belabor what happens next. I've gotten so many emails worried about me, and some indicating shock. Enough so that I question whatever it was that urged me to tell this story. So again, I will say it really fast, skip over details and hope that you read fast. There were four of them (my memory falters, perhaps it was six?) The rumor tells us that they were sent either by VEB, or that they were looking for VEB. Whichever, VEB is at its root - and remains one of the reasons I cannot say his name.
Satori and Pure had begun to buy a home. They were being "regular" folk, gardens, lawn mowing, painting. It all seemed so positive, so NORMAL. But then, there they were, these intruders. My daughter phones me from the hospital and arrived later at my home. Even I did not know all of the details for many years. My daughter's face, and Pure's were such that I had not seen even during the Black Years of VEB. And our precious Nia had seen it all. The hate is distant from my heart now, never fresh as in those days, but always there. VEB has somehow gotten himself involved with Pure's sister - they have a child together, Nia's cousin and I still cannot quite wrap my mind around that. But it is our reality. VEB lives now somewhere on the West Coast, but he remains legend...and threat.
Satori moves to Colorado in order to distance herself from further threat. We are told that both Pure's mother and I were, at that time, on "the list" and our lives rotated around fear and becomes a good portion of why I now live in Seattle. While in Colorado, Tori works hard but it becomes evident that Pure's deep wounds will not allow him to sustain support for his family. They return to Indiana and Tori tries hard to support them all as Pure cannot sustain consistent income for any length of time. I am sorry for Pure, I love Pure - I think of him as my family, but a family member that cannot be, at this time, a real participant in family life. I see in him Husband, who is by now, Ex-husband. I am not sorry that Satori left him. It had to be done.
On one hot, searing, Indiana night, I sat with Satori on the porch of her home. It is then that she reveals to me the real details of the Night of the Intruders. I will not shock you with the details. My daughter told them as if she were telling a story that had happened to someone else. My daughter tells me that she deeply regrets so many of her decisions, and wishes that she had listened more to mama. My ego responds quite well to this, but I make attempts to stave off the ego; for I know that many of my decisions, or lack of them, allowed these events to manifest. Or maybe not; maybe it HAD to happen for some reason unknown to me. I'm not sure I will ever sort that out...but at some point, in tears, I must have exclaimed that I wished I could turn back the clock and make it all not happen. To which my daughter responds, "Mama, I'm not sure I would ever have "got it" if it had not happened. Am I glad it happened? Would I allow it to happen again? No. But it did happen and because it happened, I am strong and wiser and happy with who I am." Wow.
The story gets better. This part I am happy to tell. Satori goes on, urged by her dermotologist employer, to get to Estitician's school. She gets in incrediable job and she LOVES her work. I mean, she LOVES her work which is something every mother wishes for her child. She returns to school AGAIN and gets licensed to cut and style hair. She hints that she wants to go back to school AGAIN...of course, I am hoping for an eventual BA, but I am learning to shut of my ego and be deeply pleased that she loves her work. She runs like a maniac, miles and miles each day. She works out, she is strong (you would want this girl in your corner if the Intruders come to your home). She is beautiful, phyically and spiritually. And now, our "arguements" are NORMAL...like, "do you HAVE to color your hair every few months? Do you really like this daycare arrangement? Oh yes, about your sister...." Oh god the normality of it - tis beyond amazing.
And then, she re-connects with one of those boys from the crowd I mentioned in the beginning. We shall call him The Boy who Made it, or maybe the Boy Who surprised Me, or maybe just, Mr Right for my Daughter. Mr Right owns his own framing shop, and he works hard, hard, hard. He loves my daughter. And together, they have given us Thomas. Not Tom, or Tommy, THOMAS. And Thomas is the happiest, juiciest, thrilling child. I adore him, I adore Nia...and they are happy. They are truly happy. They vote Democratic - they support Obama, they go to PTA meetings and discuss social issues and invest money, and do all of those things young families should do, playdates, the YMCA. Tori makes Mr. Right eat organic food and she calls me for recipes! She cooks, she cleans her home and she asks child raising questions (which I don't really answer because after all, who I am to pretend wisdom?)
Some days I thought that my daughter would not live; and I never would have given you a nickel to bet on Mr. Right's success. But my daughter lives, Mr. Right succeeds and Nia and Thomas are loving, healthy, bright children.
But Satori is fantatic about locking the doors at night. Locking her car....and running. So the dark spot, the past horror is still there, but manifests itself properly. And I could not be more pleased. My faith is renewed and now, I can make little dollies and purses, and be a librarian and grandmother and live life.
You have been kind to read. And somehow, I hope your faith is shored up some. Life is Good, God is Good. Yes, as my children taught me to say, "It's All Good."
I do not wish to belabor what happens next. I've gotten so many emails worried about me, and some indicating shock. Enough so that I question whatever it was that urged me to tell this story. So again, I will say it really fast, skip over details and hope that you read fast. There were four of them (my memory falters, perhaps it was six?) The rumor tells us that they were sent either by VEB, or that they were looking for VEB. Whichever, VEB is at its root - and remains one of the reasons I cannot say his name.
Satori and Pure had begun to buy a home. They were being "regular" folk, gardens, lawn mowing, painting. It all seemed so positive, so NORMAL. But then, there they were, these intruders. My daughter phones me from the hospital and arrived later at my home. Even I did not know all of the details for many years. My daughter's face, and Pure's were such that I had not seen even during the Black Years of VEB. And our precious Nia had seen it all. The hate is distant from my heart now, never fresh as in those days, but always there. VEB has somehow gotten himself involved with Pure's sister - they have a child together, Nia's cousin and I still cannot quite wrap my mind around that. But it is our reality. VEB lives now somewhere on the West Coast, but he remains legend...and threat.
Satori moves to Colorado in order to distance herself from further threat. We are told that both Pure's mother and I were, at that time, on "the list" and our lives rotated around fear and becomes a good portion of why I now live in Seattle. While in Colorado, Tori works hard but it becomes evident that Pure's deep wounds will not allow him to sustain support for his family. They return to Indiana and Tori tries hard to support them all as Pure cannot sustain consistent income for any length of time. I am sorry for Pure, I love Pure - I think of him as my family, but a family member that cannot be, at this time, a real participant in family life. I see in him Husband, who is by now, Ex-husband. I am not sorry that Satori left him. It had to be done.
On one hot, searing, Indiana night, I sat with Satori on the porch of her home. It is then that she reveals to me the real details of the Night of the Intruders. I will not shock you with the details. My daughter told them as if she were telling a story that had happened to someone else. My daughter tells me that she deeply regrets so many of her decisions, and wishes that she had listened more to mama. My ego responds quite well to this, but I make attempts to stave off the ego; for I know that many of my decisions, or lack of them, allowed these events to manifest. Or maybe not; maybe it HAD to happen for some reason unknown to me. I'm not sure I will ever sort that out...but at some point, in tears, I must have exclaimed that I wished I could turn back the clock and make it all not happen. To which my daughter responds, "Mama, I'm not sure I would ever have "got it" if it had not happened. Am I glad it happened? Would I allow it to happen again? No. But it did happen and because it happened, I am strong and wiser and happy with who I am." Wow.
The story gets better. This part I am happy to tell. Satori goes on, urged by her dermotologist employer, to get to Estitician's school. She gets in incrediable job and she LOVES her work. I mean, she LOVES her work which is something every mother wishes for her child. She returns to school AGAIN and gets licensed to cut and style hair. She hints that she wants to go back to school AGAIN...of course, I am hoping for an eventual BA, but I am learning to shut of my ego and be deeply pleased that she loves her work. She runs like a maniac, miles and miles each day. She works out, she is strong (you would want this girl in your corner if the Intruders come to your home). She is beautiful, phyically and spiritually. And now, our "arguements" are NORMAL...like, "do you HAVE to color your hair every few months? Do you really like this daycare arrangement? Oh yes, about your sister...." Oh god the normality of it - tis beyond amazing.
And then, she re-connects with one of those boys from the crowd I mentioned in the beginning. We shall call him The Boy who Made it, or maybe the Boy Who surprised Me, or maybe just, Mr Right for my Daughter. Mr Right owns his own framing shop, and he works hard, hard, hard. He loves my daughter. And together, they have given us Thomas. Not Tom, or Tommy, THOMAS. And Thomas is the happiest, juiciest, thrilling child. I adore him, I adore Nia...and they are happy. They are truly happy. They vote Democratic - they support Obama, they go to PTA meetings and discuss social issues and invest money, and do all of those things young families should do, playdates, the YMCA. Tori makes Mr. Right eat organic food and she calls me for recipes! She cooks, she cleans her home and she asks child raising questions (which I don't really answer because after all, who I am to pretend wisdom?)Some days I thought that my daughter would not live; and I never would have given you a nickel to bet on Mr. Right's success. But my daughter lives, Mr. Right succeeds and Nia and Thomas are loving, healthy, bright children.
But Satori is fantatic about locking the doors at night. Locking her car....and running. So the dark spot, the past horror is still there, but manifests itself properly. And I could not be more pleased. My faith is renewed and now, I can make little dollies and purses, and be a librarian and grandmother and live life.
You have been kind to read. And somehow, I hope your faith is shored up some. Life is Good, God is Good. Yes, as my children taught me to say, "It's All Good."
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